And on the subject of love...

Ok, my love, this one's for you.
I felt bad, tonight, and hesitated as to whether I should even tell you
the Truth
But I never want to sacrifice the Truth, even if it's to preserve your Feelings
Not because I don't care
Infinitely
More than anything
About you...
But,
Because I do.

So I don't ever want a moment, even a special moment
One of those warm fuzzy ones
To be based on a farce
To be based on something
That wasn't true, and
Play you like a fool
For letting you go on believing
As though it were.

So no, Ray, that last one, it wasn't about you.
Notice how I didn't mention the name, before
There was a reason for that, because
Yours is the only name on my lips

And I know that lately
My thoughts have been with others
Maybe seemingly any others
Besides you, but
Once again
That's not true.

It's because you're always there
Behind me,
[figuratively]
For you are always there...
Beside me
[I will never look upon you as anything but my Equal]

And it's because of your steadfastness
And because of my faith in us
And my feelings for you
That I dare to let my heart expand
AS IT'S MEANT TO
Without feeling fear
Or hesitancy
To love
Others
Sometimes even as much
As I love you.

[This does not change the fact
That you
Are the only one
I want to BE with.]

[ever.]

Ray I don't know who came up with the notion
That if you love someone completely
You can only love That person
That much.
Me, I reject that notion.
Completely.

Because Ray, I have found that with Love
When I Love
The more I love - the more I have known love,
The more I have been able to give and share and grow Love...
The more I have to give.
The more I have to share.
And the more it is able to Grow.

Whose twisted idea was it that to do so,
Is to detract from your love with That person?
Whose idiocy dictated that if you are committed,
Then you stay between the lines,
Period.

Whose friggin backwards logic
Says that
"Here is one person,
Who accepts your love
And you
For all you are
And all it can be,
And gives it back tenfold,
Always...
So
STOP THERE."
As in,
Do not look for others to love
Do not share what you have in you
With others,
Gasp, not like that, certainly.

Because I have found you, and you have found me
Does that aid the ailing heart
Who has never been asked to feel?
Who has never been told by fingertips who speak from the cosmos
That it is ok to let go, and
What it can feel like
When they do?

Imagine not knowing how to love...
I know you can.

How much sense does it make that if we can learn these things
And expound upon them with each other,
Then as our revelations grow...
We keep them between only ourselves
We
Who already know them.
Who already enjoy them.
When others, especially my FRIENDS,
Go to sleep aching inside?

And I'm to walk away and say "sorry, it's not my problem now, because
I've got a Permanent love now"?

Good luck with that?

Hope you can find someone who understands?
The way I know that I do?

I'll tell you who came up with this frightened law,
A frightened person.
A person too scared to hold their Love with an open palm.
A person too scared that their love
Wouldn't withstand the tests of unconventionality
Or the tests of when you say you'll love someone forever
STAYING true to them
Even when circumstances change
Or even because circumstances with others
Are challenging.
Especially then.

I am not afraid.

And so I say again,
When I Love
The more I love - the more I have known love
The more I have been able to give and share and grow Love...
The more I have to give.
The more I have to share.
And the more it is able to Grow.
ALL loves.
With That person, and with every other person
That I have ever known.

That is why I am in touch with so many people from my past
That is why it matters
SO MUCH
to me.
That is why I always hold on
Even when they don't hold on back.
Like you didn't...
Once.

I hold on, because I can
Because I have that love to spare
And I never learned to stop caring about them because
I never felt I had to.
You don't make me feel I have to, because
You
Are wonderful.
Because you
Are amazing,
Just like I always knew you would be
As we were growing up.

I still remember that night, stealing glances at you in the candlelight...
Prom night, at dinner...

I knew you would be this incredible.

And I know you understand these things, but
I know your heart
And I know that knowing things, doesn't it always make it easy
To Share.
But you can share me, and my love Ray, with the rest of the world
And never feel like you're being left behind, or relegated to the background,
Because you're not
And you never will be.
You will never get less of me for it,
I promise you,
I will only be all the greater for you
Because I will be a soul who is fulfilling what they were meant to do
On this earth.
To Love,
And love much.

As much as possible.

So just know, dear Ray, that
Just because that one piece
Wasn't about you
And that just because my heart has learned the secrets to know how to expand
And encompass
And embrace
Infinitely
[and because I know I must have a voice]
[and because I know what I need to speak]
[like a touch]
[like a hand upon a shoulder]
[or a catching of the eye]
[When they know that I know
And that I can see
Straight through them
And that I still Care
To the core of my soul]
Just because I can make room for a hundred others
That I may choose to love
With all my heart
Until the day I die

Ray

That will NEVER
Mean
That you will suffer for it
That you will be pushed aside
Or sacrificed
Or forgotten
Or mean any less
Than if they were never there.

You were my Original, Ray
You have always been my Original
I only got to have one of those in my life, and
It was you.

And I came back to you,
Time and time again
And...
Now.

As we have discussed, this would have gone on permanently
You were always the one
You were always mine
I was always yours
In that way that you know that
Even through all the years
That I loved others,
I never loved you any less
My love for you only grew with time
And History
Just as it does today.
Nothing has changed, really

I always loved You infinitely...
First.