Because I don't suppose I want to fill this thing with ten minute bouts of nothingness, really

Eh exercises are ok, and I suppose it's good to at least be thinking about and even attempting a sharpening of the mind. But let's be honest, my forte is expository; and my only authority, over myself. So let's purge.

One thing I've noticed since starting this thing a little over a week ago is WOW. Nobody on Facebook CARES! I've made a pretty definitive swoop from MySpace to Facebook, and if you're thinking wow six lines into this and she's already a complete nerdazoid, stop to consider. Being in an internet shop in the middle of Queenstown in the middle of winter in the middle of the South Pacific (ok, bottom of it, anyway), MySpace was my only connection to the outer world. You know..."friends".

Friends other than the ones I lived with in the hostel, the ones that I'd come to live with, laugh with, love, only to (and knowingly) have them blow away, scatter to the four winds at season's end. And now, them having done so, now the only - let's be realistic - way to keep in touch now, one of these two sites.

Indeed, that's a big reason I made the switch. For some reason in my circles, the big F hit the tipping point over the big MyS, and said blown friends are shown here in abundance.

But sadly, what I've found, is that where in the MySpace blogging world, that little hole from which I'd carve my little niche and ultimately label it my quiet and unassuming yet impassioned life, where on the Other site, people would emerge from the woodwork in most unexpected ways, not only to read but to respond to my words...despite no announcement of a posting on MySpace but stalker-like fanfare to all reaches of one's social web on this one, almost no one can be bothered here. My two cousins whom I barely know (but am glad for the chance to start at least) have acknowledged me and an oooold friend from HS dropped a lifeline. But it's not been anything like the interaction and feedback I enjoyed on the other site. For a foray into the public sphere, so far a week into it, it hasn't been terribly encouraging.

So where's the waste? Is it in my subject matter? The format? For sure brevity has been my bane on Facebook...I've been painstakingly sharing a close-to-the-heart tale with the subject of the story for the past WEEKS now, because Facebook has this way of making two paragraphs of a Word doc appear as 2 pages of a dried out textbook. Ever tried to copy 38 pages 8 lines at a time and tried to do a good story justice?

Well, whatever. Tomorrow's another day and another and another, and at least I'm not clawing at the walls anymore. Funny to feel like you're marching in place looking to the horizon knowing you're only living today for tomorrow, mostly, and yet knowing that it all goes too fast. At least I'm not climbing the walls...not climbing the walls...not clawing down the walls...

For now if I'm blessed with/cursed with an audience so vast that all of this is lost in the shuffle then I suppose eventually it will give me license to dream with an open hand; knowing that all of it could be read and none of it will be, or that none of it will be but then all of it is...well it makes you wonder how to present yourself, and how to live your life accordingly if you're going to have to answer for it later on, with or without that cloak of anonymity. I wonder why more people don't do this public reflection thing.

I wonder if more people would want to.

Are you out there?, I wonder...