Ten Minutes: On TIME

I'm going to write about time tonight because as I sat here to consider, now that I'm getting a taste for how short ten minutes is and how much I'd want to try to cram into it and end up with only a hodgepodge of a rundown and no real introspection (not my goal), I guess I'll have to narrow each topic down to what is most prevalent on my mind at the time that I sit down to write it.

Time's at the forefront of my mind then, because well I guess it usually is - forwards, backwards or present time - since I'm like, always (ALWAYS) thinking like that. But seemingly for six months straight, seven months straight actually I guess now - see? - it's been focused in on the shortage of time.

And not in the good way either. In my travels I always seemed to keep running in the background that constant awareness that the sand could end up all in the bottom of the glass in some unexpected way, and it helped to keep me focused, aware in the moment, and appreciative. If you knew me during my travels and through the past few years, maybe you noticed that I wanted to keep in touch with you when social norm would dictate otherwise. I had a heightened sense of awareness of the preciousness and fascination of time, or more precisely, my short time here, known as my Life.

Nowadays, I've joined the ratrace that the rest of these crazy fools (you too?) know how to live in. I find myself ill-adjusted. I am a Libra and am finding it hard if not impossible to balance my scales, at least not for long. At best, I'm in a quasi-vegetative state where I lay in a polka dotted paper gown and don't really care if you spoonfeed me the applesauce or the cherry jello as the world turns. At worst, I'm up in the middle of the night trying not to suffer a full-out meltdown with the mediocrity of my everyday and the incessant pounding in my head laughing that I'm a sell out, I'm a sell out, life ticks away and I used to give a damn and now I just want to get through the day and for what.

This manic psychosis isn't a result from any kind of lamentable station. I've got a good job, an ideal living situation, the best company in the world, etc. But I just don't seem to have the TIME.
WHY is that? Eh? Why don't I seem to have the time, to breathe, to think, to reflect, to inspire, to care, to matter, to gather insight about the things I'm feeling and the things I'm thinking? If I have the time, why am I unable to use it? Why am I overwhelmed by the abilities I have to contribute in a myriad of ways but rendered inert and useless by the sheer tick tock of the clock that counts me closer to the next alarm clock blaring me out of blessed sleep.

And how fitting that where normally I would look for the spin to turn it into a positive entry rather than a bitching one, my time runs out for my ten minute session. Very well. Well, know that I would have found the silver lining given the -huh- TIME, but now I'm out and I guess that's the whole point of this exercise...to try to figure out how to do it more quickly and more efficiently than I currently can.

HA! DID IT AFTER ALL!

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